


The Space Between

by babykid528



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [16]
Category: Star Trek RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Daddy Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Health Fears, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 13:54:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4748837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babykid528/pseuds/babykid528
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zach has been distant and Chris can't stand by and let him try to work it out on his own any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Space Between

**Author's Note:**

  * For [elisa_pie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/elisa_pie/gifts).



> I received the prompt _Pinto, 14. A Reunion Kiss_ for the [Signs of Affection Meme](http://thatmysticbafflingwonder.tumblr.com/post/128295522952/signs-of-affection-meme), and the story ran away from me completely.
> 
> **Be Warned:** This is angst-city, BUT, there is a happy ending. Before we get there though, there's a lot of really raw emotion in this. If you need additional warnings, please see the end notes before reading.

“It’s silly. At least, it seems silly,” Chris says, sinking into the couch a little more.

“What seems silly?”

He looks at Katie, reluctantly, and sighs.

“I just...” He trails off before he can finish that thought and gives the room a look.

They’re alone. Katie’s husband, Matthew, has Luca out at the mall, looking for a special gift for Katie, and the new baby is asleep in the nursery. Katie should really be sleeping too, but instead, she’s very patiently letting Chris unload his weirdness in her living room.

“Does this feel too much like a patient session to you?” Chris asks suddenly.

He hadn’t realized he was practically lying down across her couch while she watched him from the chair beside it.

She looks around the room a moment, a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, and she says, “Maybe just a little... God, I miss this.”

“Your maternity leave is almost over, isn’t it?” He asks.

She nods and Chris sits up straight again. He scrubs at his face and sighs.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I should really let you rest...”

“No,” she protests a little too quickly.

He shoots her a surprised look and watches her blush. He hasn’t seen her honest-to-God blush since the day she got married. He can’t help grinning at the sight.

“I just want some grown up time,” She admits. “There are no kids for the moment. And while you’re not the most ideal grown up to have grown up time with, you do meet the general qualifications.”

She stretches, grinning at him, and leans back into her chair.

“Now tell me what’s been bothering you,” She says.

He takes a deep breath and sighs it out.

“It’s Zach.”

“Isn’t it always Zach?” She asks.

He shoots her a glare and she holds up her hands in surrender. 

“Sorry, that was uncalled for,” she tells him. “Please, continue.”

Chris let’s out a strangled little growl before throwing his hands up in the air.

“It’s just, he’s being so distant and I can’t figure out what’s up with him.”

Chris can see the teasing leave Katie’s face. He can see the way she shifts from mildly amused at her brother, to professional concern. For a moment, he marvels at Dr. Katherine Pine and how different she really is from his stupid big sister, Katie, whom he adores but never takes too seriously.

“Distant how?” She asks. She looks like she wishes she had a legal pad to take notes on.

Warmth and affection for her swell in Chris’ chest.

“I love you, you know that, right?” He says suddenly.

She smiles at him softly, and she looks like his sister again.

“I love you too, you stupid little brother,” she says, voice unbearably fond. “But stop changing the subject. How is Zach being distant?”

Chris laughs, a deep belly laugh. It’s so loud that he worries he’ll wake up his niece.

“You are like a dog with a bone,” he says. “Fine, he’s distant in the bedroom. There. It’s out there and I can’t take it back now.”

It’s sobering to say those words, to finally admit there’s something off about his relationship with Zach, especially to someone not in the relationship with them. Not that Zach talks about what’s wrong with them, not with Chris, anyway. And if Zach’s not gonna bring it up, Chris certainly isn’t.

“You need to talk to him about this, Chris,” Katie says.

Damn big sister, always reading his mind. He rolls his eyes.

“I’m serious,” she tells him. “When Luca was born, Matthew and I were so close to one another, and so focused on that little guy, we stopped being able to see one another. There was a detach there, brought on by emotional exhaustion and this new experience of loving the child we made together, and we stopped focusing on loving one another. It was probably the toughest time in our marriage, and we never could’ve gotten through it without sitting down at night and finally talking it through. It wasn’t easy. It was really hard, actually, but it was also unbelievably worth it.”

“I never had any idea,” Chris says, stunned.

Katie shrugs a little.

“You weren’t supposed to,” she says. “I didn’t want anyone to know about it when things felt broken, and then everything was fixed and better than it was before, so there was no need to share it afterwards.”

“But you’re sharing it now...”

“Because it might help you to know,” she tells him.

He swallows thickly and nods.

“Now, you should probably go home to Zach and work things out,” she tells him.

“But what about grown up time?” he asks. She helped him, the least he can do is keep her company for the rest of the afternoon.

She waves him off.

“Don’t worry about me,” she says. “I’m going to go take that nap, actually.”

They both stand and Chris pulls her into a tight hug before placing a kiss on her hair.

“Thanks, “ he says.

She squeezes him and pats his back. 

“That’s what I’m here for,” she tells him.

“I’ve got a few days before I need to head out and do press for my next film,” he tells her. “Why don’t I make everyone dinner this weekend and bring it over here. We can watch something grown up on TV or something after the kids go to bed. Dateline, maybe?”

She laughs, a rich sound that’s so similar to Chris’ own laugh, but more like their mother’s, and it makes Chris squeeze her tighter before releasing her.

“That sounds like a plan,” she tells him. “Maybe Zach will come too.”

It’s not a question. It’s more like a vote of confidence. Chris loves her always, but he loves her right now a little extra for it.

“Maybe,” he says.

\---

When Chris gets home, Zach’s car is already in the driveway and the dogs are nowhere to be found. He decides to busy himself in the kitchen, preparing one of Zach’s favorite meals, in an effort to expend some of his nerves before actually taking Katie’s advice and talking it out.

He’s almost finished cleaning up, the vegetable lasagna in the oven, by the time Zach and pups return.

“Hey,” Zach says once he’s in the kitchen doorway.

He smiles, but it’s covering something up, and Chris can’t tell what. He just smiles back anyway.

“What’re you making?” Zach asks.

“Your favorite,” he says, his smile suddenly feeling more forced than he wants it to.

Zach looks unreasonably shocked when he asks, “Vegetable lasagna? From scratch?”

Chris nods, “With your mom’s sauce.”

Margo makes the best marinara sauce from scratch and she always cooks up a huge pot of it for them to freeze whenever she visits.

For a moment, Zach looks like his old self, like someone who loves Chris, and he takes a step closer into the room.

“Zach…” Chris sighs a little as he says Zach’s name and Zach’s expression shutters, closing off again.

Chris reaches for him anyway, wraps his fingers loosely around Zach’s wrist, and waits until Zach makes eye contact again.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.

Zach pulls away from Chris then, like he’s been burned, and he turns to leave the kitchen.

“Nothing’s wrong,” he says, and it sounds even more like a lie now, “I’m going to go shower before dinner.”

“Wait,” Chris calls after him before following him into their bedroom.

“Chris, I just need some space-” Zach starts, but Chris cuts him off.

“No,” he says.

Zach whirls around, surprised.

“What?”

Chris stands firm, “I said no. I’m not giving you any more space. If there was any more space between us right now, we’d be on opposite sides of the galaxy.”

They both deflate a little now that the abyss between them has been verbally acknowledged.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Chris says and it sounds a lot like begging, even to his own ears.

“I just…” Zach trails off, clearly struggling.

“I love you,” Chris says. The words are quiet, but unwavering, and they do their job and catch Zach’s attention.

“Chris…” Zach says his name on a whisper,

“Do you still love me?” Chris asks.

It’s the hardest thing he’s ever had to say.

Zach looks heartbroken at the question.

“Of course I do,” he says.

Chris’ knees buckle at the answer and he has to take a seat on the end of their bed. Tears rush to his eyes and he chokes back a sob as he whispers thanks to God into the quiet room.

Zach closes the gap between them then, wraps himself around Chris in a way he hasn’t in far too long, and Chris clings to him, sobbing embarrassingly.

“I’m sorry,” he gasps into Zach’s chest. “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” Zach asks, incredulous voice brimming with his own tears. “What did you do other than reach out for me? This is all my fault.”

Chris clings to him tighter and shakes his head.

“Something’s been bothering you and I let it stew instead of asking sooner,” he says.

He can feel Zach shake his head above him.

“I wanted you to leave me alone,” he says. “I thought I could get over it alone, but I was wrong, and I hurt you.”

“Get over what?” Chris asks. He’s happy to be touching Zach again, to feel Zach touching him with some of the old love and intent, but he knows they haven’t actually addressed the problem yet.

Zach chokes out a sob and buries his face in Chris’ hair.

“Zach, please,” he does beg this time.

“My dad,” Zach says.

They’re not even on the list of words Chris expected to hear. He’s so dumbfounded by them that he just holds Zach close and waits for him to continue.

“I’m the same age he was when he died.”

Chris leans back a little then, so he can see Zach’s face. It’s tear-streaked and red from crying and he’s clearly hurting, but Chris reaches out and touches his cheek like his face is the most gorgeous he’s ever seen.

“You’re not your dad, Zach,” Chris tries to assure him.

Zach shakes his head. “I know. I do. I just…”

And suddenly Chris doesn’t need to hear anything else.

“How many doctors have you been to in the last few weeks?” he asks.

Zach flinches at the question and everything falls into place.

“Maybe seven,” Zach answers. His eyes look tired, more tired than Chris has ever seen them look before, and Chris can’t look away from them.

“Are you healthy?” he asks.

Zach nods, affirmatively, but a choked sob and a few more tears escape.

“This is because of Leonard, too,” Chris says, pressing his fingers into Zach’s back more firmly as he cups his jaw.

Zach doesn’t confirm or deny it, he just leans into Chris and cries, taking all the comfort and love he’d been denying them both, and holding Chris tightly.

“My dad died so young. And he left my mom and us and it broke all our hearts,” Zach says. “And then Leonard filled a little of that space he left, but he’s gone too. I just. I didn’t want to think about it but I couldn’t stop thinking about it, about when you might leave too. Or how I might be taken from you like my dad from my mom. And I just… I just couldn’t.”

Chris holds him upright, keeps his knees from giving way and leaving Zach embarrassed and broken on the floor.

“I’ve got you, I’m here,” Chris repeats the words like a soothing mantra into Zach’s chest.

“I love you so much,” Zach continues to sob. “I was so scared you’d be hurt because of the ways I’ve been hurt that I ended up hurting you anyway.”

“Zach,” Chris says his name like it’s a plea. “Don’t do this. We both made mistakes, we both should have talked about this sooner.”

Chris begins rubbing soothing circles across Zach’s back.

“I love you,” he says. “I love you so much. All I care about is you loving me too. We can get through this. Okay? We’ve been through rough spots before. We will get through this.”

Zach whimpers a little and holds onto Chris tighter with each promise. They stay huddled that way until their breathing returns to normal again.

Zach leans back first, reaches for Chris’ face, and tilts it upward so they can look at one another. There’s a relieved kind of look in Zach’s eyes, one Chris hasn’t seen in far too long. It almost makes Chris cry again.

“I’m sorry I shut you out,” Zach says.

Chris heaves a shuddering sigh and nods as far as Zach will let him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t push you sooner,” Chris says.

Zach smiles then, eyes lighting with actual joy, and Chris can’t keep himself from doing the same.

“I’ve missed you,” he says. They’ve already admitted so much, there’s no use hiding any other truths from one another, no matter how silly they feel to admit.

“I’ve missed you too,” Zach says.

He leans in then and presses his lips to Chris’. Chris leans up into the kiss, silently begging Zach for more, and Zach swipes his tongue across Chris’ lower lip in answer. Chris sighs then, allowing Zach to deepen the kiss.

As they rock closer together, Chris knows that the abyss has officially been bridged between them. There’s a lot to still talk through and reassure one another about, but this kiss is what they both need now. It’s a homecoming, and Chris has never felt so happy to be home.

**Author's Note:**

>  **Additional Warnings:** This fic deals with the long-term, continued affects of someone losing a parent and a significant parental figure. Both John Quinto and Leonard Nimoy are referenced in this story and, combined, they are the fuel feeding Zach's fears and causing intimacy issues between Chris and Zach. Please skip this story if that is something that will be too upsetting for you to read. I don't want to cause undue emotional distress here.


End file.
